Welcome to I'm Not Buying That, the blog where we dissect the woeful mistakes of the advertising industry. I'm your host, CJ Garrett, and I view terrible ads so you don't have to.

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Friday, October 15, 2010

Poor Heidi Klum

It never ceases to amaze me that companies feel the need to take perfectly good women and contort their bodies into poses that are either grotesque or simply biologically impossible. I really feel for the poor models. Do they have those pictures in their portfolio? What if someone asks them to strike that pose again?

It's a conundrum, I tell you.

Today's bad example comes from the ever informative Photoshop Disasters. Is that the beautiful and talented Heidi Klum, I hear you ask? Why yes, it is, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Oh Heidi, I know what you really look like. I know you're not an alien hybrid who's been starved for weeks on end. I know, in fact, that you're a beautiful woman who dresses fabulously and who smiles like a sunrise.

I just want you to know that. If you're bored sometime, we should totally do lunch and talk about clothes - especially those Christian Louboutin shoes. I have a pair just like them at home.

Anyway, let us proceed to the list of fail!

  • Promoting activewear through the use of a model doing a pose that maybe, possibly, a skilled contortionist could do after getting tanked up? Bad choice. Why not a photo of Ms. Klum doing some kind of sport, huh? HUH?
  • HEIDI KLUM DOES NOT LOOK LIKE THAT. Stop lying to us, dammit! Enough of the damn cartoon anatomy!
  • The dead, drained look in her eyes does not bode well for the success of the clothing. That would be projecting the wrong impression entirely.
  • Okay, I get the whole 'active pose' idea you've got going on here, but c'mon - nothing else? No color? I've never seen an action photo look so completely lifeless. It's got a creepy puppet vibe going on.

The moral of the story, kids, is that if something looks like a good idea at first glance, that doesn't mean you should just go with it. And please - the point of using a pretty woman is to get positive attention. Turning her into a creepy alien hybrid through the magic of Photoshop is just wrong, and makes for bad advertising.

CJ, over and out


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