Welcome to I'm Not Buying That, the blog where we dissect the woeful mistakes of the advertising industry. I'm your host, CJ Garrett, and I view terrible ads so you don't have to.

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Saturday, November 27, 2010

Brain-dead sex sells...

I have to go into hiding every Thanksgiving. There was this one year, see, where I kinda maybe possibly did some things involving some unspecified police paraphernalia that may have been illegal or immoral and definitely against the rules of several major religions. So, the authorities and me have an arrangement - I keep my head down this time of year, and they pretend I don't exist and I never did that thing that embarrassed them.

I planned to spend the time hunting down crappy Thanksgiving ads, but I got distracted by some lolcat videos. So I'm posting this one instead. Behold!

Courtesy of some site I never visit.

It's not so much that I don't approve of the whole schtick of 'sex sells'. Marketing departments have to use whatever strategy they can to get attention for their products, and I'm mostly cool with that. The problem is when they think that once they cram some vaguely sexy stuff into their ads, they can go to print and take the rest of the week off.

This ad is a classic example of this. Seriously? You have a new sandwich that happens to be longer than usual and the best you got is ' hur hur hur oral sex'? Not impressed. Just want you to know that, Burger King.

  • Woman with blank expression posing like an inflatable sex toy. Classy, classy stuff.
  • GIANT CAPITAL LETTERS for the word 'blow'. I see what you did there! Subtle like a brick to the face.
  • The position of the clearly-far-too-thick-for-her-mouth sandwich thing, that suggests, oh, I don't know, a specific oral sex act.

See, the problem here is that the imagery doesn't actually match what they're trying to convey. Consider this: this sandwich will 'blow you away', which implies that it's the eating of the sandwich that produces this amazing experience. BUT, when you look at the ad, the static nature of the woman is all wrong; she can't be the one eating and experiencing this when she's presented as an inanimate object! We can therefore infer that either the designers are female, and get off on pretending to be inflatable, or they're male, and get off on someone chewing on their wang.

I like to think I'm open minded, but I draw the line at chewing.

In a slightly related topic, it turns out Amazon sell blow up dolls! Truly, they carry everything a man could ever want. The most surprising part is that they will list second hand prices, if they're available, like everything else in the store.

The fact that the male blow up dolls are not anatomically correct is somehow bothering me.

CJ, over and out


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