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Welcome to I'm Not Buying That, the blog where we dissect the woeful mistakes of the advertising industry. I'm your host, CJ Garrett, and I view terrible ads so you don't have to.

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Tuesday, November 16, 2010

So you think you're being controversial...

First of all, let me start this by saying that the image down there is bad. As in, don't let kids see it bad. It's controversial, you know? If the sight of dead women really bothers you, please, please don't scroll down.

That's the idea, isn't it? You get people talking by doing an ad campaign that's controversial and edgy and provocative, and many other adjectives that are mostly bywords for "I want to make stupid offensive shit and look down on the people who tell me it's stupid offensive shit."

See, this is not exactly the healthiest attitude in the world. It leads to ad campaigns that would make Hannibal Lecter blush and make normal people recoil in horror at worst. At best, it leads to stuff that's - yep, you've guessed it - stupid, offensive and shit.

Are you surprised? I'm not. Really. Most marketing folks don't think like regular folks, and I should know - I'm one of them.

One of the common themes of these 'controversial' adverts seems to be how the marketing gurus hate women and want them to die and/or suffer. This tends to bother me a lot, because I don't share that particular view, not even for that brazen hussy Melinda who dumped me in highschool. But, children, if a jaded misanthrope like myself can accept that maybe we shouldn't be running ad campaigns that vilify one half of the human race, perhaps there's hope that the powers that be in the advertising industry will come around as well someday!

And then we can all have group hugs and give each other pats on the back that we're slightly less horrible human beings. Yay, indeed.

Or maybe not. See Exhibit A, courtesy of Styleite, and don't say I didn't warn you.


I wish I was making this up, but no - that is a real thing in the real world, and last I checked, we're still on Planet Earth and not in the Twilight Zone. The caption, if you can't read it, says "Superette: Be caught dead in it."

There are levels of fail here that I can't even begin to dissect, even with my armor-plated cynicism. Shall we dwell on the bottle of what is implied to be alcohol, tossed carelessly to the grass, suggesting that the dead woman is not just dead but also dead drunk? Perhaps we should point to the blood stains under her hands, of all places, and shout about how a giant spike through the torso wouldn't cause blood to randomly drip from her wrists? Oh, I'm sure they thought it would run down her arms or some other nonsense, which only proves that the maker has failed physics along with everything else. Nothing, really, can distract from the fact that HOLY EVERLOVING SHIT, YOU ARE USING A HANGING CORPSE TO ADVERTISE YOUR CLOTHES.

Notice, by the way, that despite the giant spike through the torso, there's no blood on the orange blouse thing she's wearing. You know you can't get blood on that, because OMG negative consumer reactions to our product. Seriously, this could make lesser individuals barf.

They keep doing this, you know. I still can't figure out why. I honestly struggle to connect 'dead bodies' with 'effective method for getting customers to buy your products', unless they're being used in a public service announcement kind of thing as a cautionary device - and even then, there are better ways to get your message across. This could be the very definition of advertising that accelerates several hundred miles past the 'despicable' horizon; there is nothing redeeming about it, not even composition or lettering, because of the HANGING CORPSE BEING USED TO ADVERTISE YOUR CLOTHES.

My mind, it is broken.

Here's a nice orange blouse being sold on Amazon that isn't, in fact, made by the company above. It's Indian, or something. I think it's for women, or men who are infinitely more fabulous than me. Look at the picture. Bathe in its orangy glow, and let it remind you that not all orange blouses are made and sold by total assholes.

CJ, over and out

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