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Welcome to I'm Not Buying That, the blog where we dissect the woeful mistakes of the advertising industry. I'm your host, CJ Garrett, and I view terrible ads so you don't have to.

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Friday, March 18, 2011

Breasts: Now in Advert Form!

Whoops, my pageviews are slipping again - that must mean that I should post another long, rambling rant on modern marketing! With more boobies!

So there's this game called Evony. It's some game online that I have never played, nor do I ever intend to. I prefer my games with one of two things in them: blood, guts, limbs, and the dismemberment thereof, or hawt women piloting hundred-foot-tall robot mechs. I do not play games like this:


From MMOHut.com, of course. They like this sort of thing.

Evony came to my attention because the makers seem to be having a bout of the crazies. See, that game up there, while fun for people who are not me, very clearly does not contain any boobies. You can bet that if it did, the boobies would be front and center and hopefully attached to a woman. Their advertising, however, seems to be suggesting something completely different:


The full story is on CodingHorror. Do you see the incongruity here?

  • Disembodied boobies do not appear in Evony.
  • Lacy bras do not appear in Evony.
  • That shade of hot porno pink does not appear in Evony.
  • They can call it free, but they apparently sell over-powered premium in-game items.
  • They can call it the best free web game, but their score of 2.5/5 on MMOHut says otherwise.
  • Play secretly?! Are they really trying to instill a sense of shame in their customer base?

The only things that are actually 100% true in this ad are the words 'Evony', 'Game', 'Play', 'Now', 'Web', and 'Secretly'. It's hard to imagine an advert even more misleading while still being legal. In fact, I'm surprised that the Evony headquarters haven't been ransacked by a legion of angry, horny nerds screaming about how they were promised boobies. And let's not even get into the problem of once again using a woman like a piece of meat on show - seriously, is this ever going to get old?! When the hell are we going to see large, burly men on show for our enjoym-

...Okay, that came out wrong. What I meant to say was, we should seriously think about ending this relentless and unjustified objectification of bodily parts. It's not right. Or something.

Yeah, I'm gonna go with that.

Here's some angry nerd bracelets. If you feel the need to play Evony, think about getting them instead. You might get more boobies out of it, and if you're very good, you might even get a real woman too!

CJ, over and out

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