Welcome to I'm Not Buying That, the blog where we dissect the woeful mistakes of the advertising industry. I'm your host, CJ Garrett, and I view terrible ads so you don't have to.

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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Oh Intel, is it time we put you in a nursing home?

I did say even the biggest and oldest companies are capable of major goofs. Today, we have Intel to thank for our chuckles, courtesy of one very odd slogan as captured by Paul Adams on Flickr.

Behold the head-scratching glory!

Oh, Intel. I know you're still insisting that your eyesight is okay, and that smell coming from your adult diaper isn't urine, but really... we know. It's alright to ask for help. There, there. I'll call some nice men in white coats, and they'll bring you to a lovely place where you can sit outside in the sun and chat to the other giant corporations who are also going senile. You would get along so well.

See, there's this thing about reality as we know it. If the future loses its lead to you (as this ad suggests), then you are ahead of the future. This means you are traveling forward in time. Into the future. Which has more future ahead of it that you still haven't caught up to yet. At this point, all normal physics unravels as you try to infinitely jump ahead of whatever future is still in front of you, and, as we all know, there is no insurance in the universe that will cover that particular mess.

I'm afraid I have to call bullshit on that, my friend. You are clearly blowing smoke up our collective asses, or you're blowing a much more fun kind of smoke through your lungs right now. I'm not judging you; I'm just saying, is all. Maybe, just maybe, you should take a step back and think for a while before you get stoned and play Corporate Buzzword Bingo before a serious marketing session.

I could suggest a few snappy slogans, you know. Maybe something like, "Intel: Have You Ever Looked At Your Hand, I Mean REALLY Looked At Your Hand, Dude?"

Do you know they make FUTURE memory for computers?! IT'S BETTER BECAUSE IT'S IN THE FUTURE, DAMMIT!

CJ, over and out


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