Welcome to I'm Not Buying That, the blog where we dissect the woeful mistakes of the advertising industry. I'm your host, CJ Garrett, and I view terrible ads so you don't have to.

See something that makes your eyes bleed? Drop me a line at cjthewriter@gmail.com!

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Saturday, April 23, 2011

The Million Dollar Question

If you've been following along with INBT at all, you'll probably have guessed that I'm a sucker for vintage adverts. Every time I see them, I can't help but get a dose of the warm and fuzzies for how shockingly inappropriate they look these days.

Sometimes, though, I have to wonder. We can give the guys who made the ads a pass because it was back in ye olde times, when men were men and women were interchangeable and disposable, it was the done thing to make ads that were so sexist, even the MGTOW brigade would have passed on them these days. (That's Men Going Their Own Way, in case you're curious, and I'd be totally down with their philosophy except they seem to dislike women for some reason.)

Anyway, this latest example comes to us courtesy of Randomn3ss, a site with a bizarre name in which a '3' is put in the place of an 'e'. IT'S MADNESS I TELL YOU!

Well, now I have to go and consult my lawyer. He may be drunk or high, but this is a simple question that I'm sure won't shake him out of his happily inebriated state.


Goddamn voicemail...

Alright. Next best thing - to the Interwebs!

AH-HAH! In your FACE, vintage sexist advert!

Aside from the truly bizarre question, I'm also left wondering what exactly is being advertised here. I can infer what a postage meter is, true enough, but I don't know how and why this is connected to a man in a laughably bad tie wanting to kill the Guinness Book of Record's Biggest Snob champion. I suspect I do not have the requisite philosophical skills to ponder the depths of WTFery going on here, so I think I should just leave it to other, more enlightened minds.

In other news, Amazon sells postage meters. Not the one in the ad, much to my disappointment, but still...

CJ, over and out
Monday, April 11, 2011

More confusing than a monkey doing calculus...

Yep, I'm still not dead, and the soda goons haven't gotten to me yet. This can only mean that I need to post another long, weird rant about how advertising sucks and how you should bow down and accept me as your lord and master.

My preferred title is Baron von Advertsberg, remember. I'm thinking of making an official seal.

(In other news, someone found my site by googling 'dicks everywhere'. This both pleases and amuses me in equal measure.)

Today's fail comes courtesy of Ads of the World, again. Can't say I always agree with the guys over there - we have sometimes wildly different opinions on what is absolute shit and what isn't - but they're great for checking out the latest and sometimes greatest in the world of advertising. Hence the name, I guess.


If, at this point, you are asking yourself what this ad is about, I'm afraid I have no fucking clue. I honestly don't. I am just as baffled as you are. The tagline is 'Time to Switch to Sweet 'n' Healthy'; make of that what you will. There's a teeny tiny little icon thing up in the corner there that could be just about anything related to healthy eating.

I think that looks like a paper bag full of green goo, in fact. Maybe they're selling edible goo that is both sweet and healthy? If so, this is goo that I would like to actually see in the advert, as opposed to peeking out of some generic paper bag...

Wait, wait, wait. My bad. That can't be goo, it'd soak through the bag or something. Green felt, perhaps? Maybe some kind of velvet?

GAAH the suspense is killing me! WHAT PRODUCT ARE YOU SELLING, DAMMIT?! If I have to explain why this is a bad advert, I will actually despair of all mankind and start preparing for the inevitable nuclear holocaust.

In the meantime, here's some healthy shit from Amazon. As I am largely fueled by vodka and whatever I can kill with my bare hands, health food is both weird and alien to me - but you might like it.

CJ, over and out

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