Welcome to I'm Not Buying That, the blog where we dissect the woeful mistakes of the advertising industry. I'm your host, CJ Garrett, and I view terrible ads so you don't have to.

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Monday, April 11, 2011

More confusing than a monkey doing calculus...

Yep, I'm still not dead, and the soda goons haven't gotten to me yet. This can only mean that I need to post another long, weird rant about how advertising sucks and how you should bow down and accept me as your lord and master.

My preferred title is Baron von Advertsberg, remember. I'm thinking of making an official seal.

(In other news, someone found my site by googling 'dicks everywhere'. This both pleases and amuses me in equal measure.)

Today's fail comes courtesy of Ads of the World, again. Can't say I always agree with the guys over there - we have sometimes wildly different opinions on what is absolute shit and what isn't - but they're great for checking out the latest and sometimes greatest in the world of advertising. Hence the name, I guess.


If, at this point, you are asking yourself what this ad is about, I'm afraid I have no fucking clue. I honestly don't. I am just as baffled as you are. The tagline is 'Time to Switch to Sweet 'n' Healthy'; make of that what you will. There's a teeny tiny little icon thing up in the corner there that could be just about anything related to healthy eating.

I think that looks like a paper bag full of green goo, in fact. Maybe they're selling edible goo that is both sweet and healthy? If so, this is goo that I would like to actually see in the advert, as opposed to peeking out of some generic paper bag...

Wait, wait, wait. My bad. That can't be goo, it'd soak through the bag or something. Green felt, perhaps? Maybe some kind of velvet?

GAAH the suspense is killing me! WHAT PRODUCT ARE YOU SELLING, DAMMIT?! If I have to explain why this is a bad advert, I will actually despair of all mankind and start preparing for the inevitable nuclear holocaust.

In the meantime, here's some healthy shit from Amazon. As I am largely fueled by vodka and whatever I can kill with my bare hands, health food is both weird and alien to me - but you might like it.

CJ, over and out


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